JETHRO HOROWITZ

I’m on a well deserved break after doing too well in my university exams. I’m setting new records over here and won’t be surprised if they give me some kind of medal for being so awesome. When I’m not spraying piss all over my exams, I’m catching up on blockbusters.

Transformers 2:

Fuck you Michael Bay. Your films are “straight homosexual, special Olympic gay”. I have to quote lines from Generation kill to describe your films because David Simon says it best. Apart from R.Lee Ermey’s (drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket) performance in Texas Chainsaw massacre, every movie you have been involved in has made me shit myself with hatred. Just when I was about to change my mind about you with the casting of Isabel Lucas (Isabel if you’re reading this – call me) I find out you disappoint me not once, twice but three times.

1. She’s not going to take off her clothes because she’s kissing a fag that thinks that tramp Megan Fox is better
2. She’s going to turn into a ultra-fuckbot that Shia LaBeouf won’t be able to handle cause he’s a limp dick.
3. Michael Bay is doing some sci-fi double douchbaggary cross-promotions by posting a picture of his equally lame film Bad Boys on the wall.

1/10 (only because of Isabel)

I also went to see the worst film ever made: 2012

This film marks the end of the cinema world. The concentration of cheese is so completely saturated that if the film was made in 3D I would have brought some crackers. John Cusack disappoints as there was a brief moment in his career where he hadn’t completely sold out yet. Cusack, I hope your 20 million was worth it, because I’m un-subscribing from your fan club.

Without spoiling too much of the plot, I will say that as the ground beneath the characters is crumbling and the only means of survival is an aeroplane, one of the characters actually spends a couple of minutes arguing with his family. He says he won’t fly it because while he’s got all the training he needs he hasn’t got his licence yet.

Thanks Cusack you get: 0/10

Finally, in the spirit of Christmas I have personally designed a poster for everyone to enjoy.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 27th, 2009 at 2:57 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.