Failing at Whaling
Recently, I haven’t been able to sleep well lately. I’m being pressured to be awake during the day and my body hates me for it. I’m considering injecting Propofol, I hear it gives amazing results.
During the tumultuous phase of sleep deprivation, one can make terribly misguided decisions. I, just like the common-man am subjected to the same disposition. My mistake was agreeing to go whale watching at 8am this morning. The circumstance which entangled me in this agreement was a one in a million scenario. Needless to say, the tickets were free and I was somewhat morally obliged to attend.
The night before my voyage, I kept myself awake thinking of clever jokes such as:
Question: What type of whale was Moby Dick?
Answer: A sperm whale.
Upon further research, I find out that this is actually true, that’s too much cock for Herman Melville not to be a Homo.
My alarm clock was set for 8am and I was too restless to fall asleep due to the anticipation of knowing I would be woken in 3 hours time. I switched on the movie Soul Plane, which brought me through to dawn. If you haven’t seen this film yet, hire it today, many lolzas will be had.
Tired and hungry, I make it to the boat so as to add cold and bored to the stew of negativity I had on the boil. Half an hour into the violently rocking blur of sea and stomach, the Chinese woman next to me turned bright green, and in a spray of vomit, coughed up her morning dumplings. Desperate to leave, I took to the upper deck where I spent the next 3 hours freezing my balls off in pursuit of stabilising my stomach and on careful lookout for a whale that the Japs haven’t eaten yet.
After 4 hours of nausea, we are told we won’t be seeing any whales on this whale watching expedition and that in a year this happens only 1% of the time. They offer us free return vouchers which I tell them to shove up their blow hole.
September 5th, 2009 at 2:34 am
first post. woo!
September 6th, 2009 at 4:47 am
i get the feeling this whole post was made up so that you could post that photo of yourself.
and don’t think i didn’t notice the british flag in the background
still, pretty funny. wp.
September 7th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
ah..sam beat me to it..x.x
September 7th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
“…coughed up her morning dumplings.”
LMAO!
September 8th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
why were you “morally obliged to attend”? the answer should have something to do with vag. awesome jew-gangsta get up. you kind of look like necro.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:59 am
“on careful lookout for a whale that the Japs haven’t eaten yet”
This line is golden!
November 26th, 2009 at 2:25 am
sweet sassy molassy.
one of your best.