JETHRO HOROWITZ

Yesterday, I planned to write a blog, practice the piano, visit the gym and go to the beach with friends but instead I broke myself online and cried.

This week I did, however, manage to make a step towards normality when I went to the jobs expo being held by the university. The last job I had was 7 years ago when I worked at Woolworths as a check out girl on Sundays. In the three years of working there I earned $3,000 which I used to buy into a $2,000 tournament in Canberra (bankroll management theory did not exist back in those days). The $10,000 I cashed for ignited my distaste for an honest days work and propelled me into a life on the edge. I am slowly crawling my way back into the work-force but it is not easy.

Human Resources Girl: Welcome to P&G marketing, are you interested in working with us?
Jethro: Sure. Whatta I gotta do?
Human Resources Girl: You need to have good communication skills,
Jethro: (nod)
Human Resources girl: You need to be a quick and keen learner
Jethro: (nod)
Human Resources girl; You need to be motivated and have strong leadership skills.
Jethro: (with the most charming smile I could muster) you just described exactly me.
Human Resources girl: (lets out a clearly audible groan followed by a quivering lip movement to feign a smirk.)
Jethro: (gracefully bows out of the room)

‘Fuck marketing’ I thought, I’m going to make millions on the stock market. I’ve gots to find me a stock broking company. I go and place myself in the longest (and therefore the best) queue I could find in order to sign myself up for the big bucks. Everyone in this queue looked and acted like they had an IQ over 300. Some of the bulging foreheads on these guys hardly made room for their glasses. As we waited, a girl came around and explained that we would be taking a maths test, ‘oh boy’ I thought, as I recalled the conversation my high school maths teacher had with my parents when she strongly advised that I drop out.

I strike up a conversation with a nerdlinger standing next to me. I don’t know what clued him in as fast as it did but he realised he was losing brain power by talking to me. He pulls out his iphone to play a maths game he’s downloaded. I marveled at his genius.

We finally get called up to take the test. 80 questions in 8 minutes and we have to get 55 right in order to be allowed to proceed in the selection process. Marks are deducted for wrong and blank answers. I don’t even finish 55 questions and it seems neither does anyone else because I can distinctly hear the words ‘fuck that shit’ echo throughout the room. It pleases me that I am not completely retarded.

‘Another successful afternoon’ I think as I walk away from the cesspool that is the jobs expo.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 29th, 2009 at 4:40 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.