Curiously Similar to Forrest Gump
During these holidays I have discarded 3 un-blogworthy updates into the sunken black hole that is the Microsoft trash can. I’ll probably lose the most fickle of my fans by not maintaining consistent live updates on my terribly exciting playboy lifestyle. I guess I could have written about the time I parachuted into the Papua New Guinean, Gado Gado volcanoes. Or scuba dived with tiger sharks and tigers.
Back home in Sydney, I’ve visited the magical world of cinema. I went to see.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse they torture me with 159 minutes of tear jerking drivel.
They lured me in with Brad’s boyish good looks, the director from fight club and the writer of Forest Gump. Where could they go wrong?
Answer: The movie’s premise, Kate Bleachshit and consistent tilting old woman scenes.
The movie’s premise is about Brad Pit growing younger over time. Brad is born looking like a rat’s fetus with Down syndrome. The birth kills his mum and his father flips the fuck out. Rather than kill the bag of vomit, he does the right thing and ditches it in the street. Growing up, Brad is confused as any pedophile would be. He looks like he’s 95 and he’s interested in little girls. He has a brief encounter under the sheets with little Kate Bleachshit which disturbed me to no end. Some old woman comes to crash the party and Brad’s 95 year old hard on.
Old woman: You should be ashamed of yourself
Brad Pit: Bitch, I’m 7 years old!
All through the movie Brad points out details of every girl he ever had. We get it Brad, you have had a lot of sex.
As time goes on, Brad grows younger and hotter while Kate becomes more hideous and disgusting. At one point a taxi driver in the film becomes so infuriated with boredom he ploughs into Kate and ends her tediously boring dancing career. In hospital, Kate has her broken leg raised like an injured horse waiting for a shotgun blast to the head. Brad flies all the way to Paris to see her and to offer himself to her. She responds by telling him to go away and leave her alone. Arghh!
In another scene which had me puking down the isles, Brad, who looks about 16 at this point has some granny sex with Kate while she is knitting a fucking jumper.
I would give this film 0. However, the old woman dies at the end = 1/10.
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:47 am
I do believe that the whore house scene was just as disturbing as the “I have a secret” under the table scene.