JETHRO HOROWITZ

I’ve spent the last month burning my bankroll till it turned crispy, crispy red. I figured it would be a good idea to give $100-$200 another shot on ftp. I hate poker more than anything else in this world.

I also spent a ridiculous amount of time hunched over my keyboard typing up endless university assignments. During these typing sessions, my shoulders would feel like concrete. I had to regularly admit myself to the Thai massage clinic up the road for relief. After a nice massage, I feel like soft fluffy pancakes.

The gym has been neglected and so have my cannons. I went yesterday with a friend from college who’s now nick named me ‘chicken shit’ due to my chicken shit-like strength. I think I’ll just give up, it’s becoming too embarrassing. It’s either that or I do my exercises with the cerebral palsy patients in the rehabilitation unit of the hospital next door.

Last night was Oktoberfest. My strategy, at parties like this is to not actually go with anybody. Rather, I’ll invite everyone I know and maybe I’ll bump into them. This technique allows me to roam free like a panther. I laugh at people who invite their only friend to a party of 10,000 and cry in the lost and found when they separate.

After a few drinks, it was time for a tinkle. My ability to urinate in public is limited at the best of times and I’ll usually take my chances in a backed up stall. When I saw the queue for the men’s room snaking out the door, I could only imagine what lay ahead. As the queue progressed and I drew closer to ground zero, prevailing winds coupled with a heavy condensation assaulted my senses of smell and taste. I looked down as my shoes were being hit by a tidal wave of murky brown liquid. It was a fecal tsunami. I turned around to see if any of the other men had noticed, but it appeared we were in the eye of the storm and only the guy behind me had seen. I told him to lace up his boots and pull up his pants.

When I finally progressed to the front, I had the choice between lining up for the cubical or taking my position at a urinal. Before I could make my decision, an enormous man triumphantly appeared from behind a stall, roaring as he did up his pants. And as the door swung to and fro, I caught glimpses of complete mayhem and destruction. What I saw behind those doors was more shocking than 2 girls and a cup; it was 3 girls and a bucket.

I just finished watching the latest Batman film Dark Knight.

I am a huge Batman fan and had heard great reviews. I’d like to add to the awesome reviews to say it was excellent. Heath ledger and Christian Bale’s performances were awesome. When I grow up I want to be cool like batman.

9/10

I would give 10/10 except Maggie Gyllenhaal is a ho who would rather marry Two Face over Batman.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 17th, 2008 at 7:40 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.