Hungry Hungry Homeless
Today my stomach woke me up with a burning hunger that could not be satisfied by the two apples in my room. It was 1pm and I had only had 4 hrs sleep. In times like this, where tiredness and hunger duke it out for my attention, I find tiredness always wins. Not in this case, however, it was time for lunch. The bright light of the day burnt my retinas so I needed a guide-dog to take me to the college kitchen. I don’t care what you think, no one should have to get up during the day.
After feeding myself with a bowl of college gruel I was wide awake. What to do now? I had been meaning to get a haircut for the past month and due to the lack of 24 hr hair salons, I had been shit out of luck. I went back to my room and grabbed a hand full of money and began my quest for a gay man with scissors. On my way past the service station, a man from afar started waving at me. As he got further, he began grinning and sticking out his hand to give me a fist pump. I, of course, returned the pump. I am always forgetting names and faces and I was wondering how long it was going to take for me to fake knowing this guy.
His conversation opener was quite peculiar. He asked me if I was alone. I began to think through all the reasons why he might need to know this. If he wants to rob me, he would want me to be alone, if he wants to sex me, he would want me to be alone… As you can see which ever way you look at this, the answer has to be ‘no’. I said ‘yes’. He replies with ‘me too’. He then launches into a story on how he is now homeless because he was kicked out of home by his girlfriend. He asks me for 50cents. I don’t ever leave the house with coins on me, so I couldn’t help him. As I began to walk away, he follows me.
5 minutes of him following me, I decide to give him some money. I explain to him that the only reason I’m awake is because I came to get a hair cut. He understands, but he doesn’t want to walk to the hairdresser with me to get change. He begins to suggest all kinds of things to minimize his walking and maximize the chance of him getting paid. During the negotiations, I stumble into a hairdresser I didn’t know existed and was closer to the one I originally planned to go to. He is delighted and I go up to the window to inspect the prices; $35 for a wash & cut. I pull out all the money in my pocket which totals exactly $35. LOL, I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.
He looks up at me with his hungry eyes and asks what’s going on. I tell him to look at the price. He looks and says ‘$35, how much do you have?’….After some more laughing I feel bad. I tell him I can get him some money but I have to go back to college. He says he can’t go near the university because the cops are after him. I even offer for him to stay there and for me to go get some money for him. He asks how much I’m going to get him. I say ‘50cents’. He gives me an angry look. I give him a counter-offer: $2. He tells me to get fucked.
Homeless people in Australia do not have my sympathy at all. I’ve been around the world and seen what poverty is and these guys in Australia are a joke. One exception is possibly the mentally ill because they can’t help it. But even still, they get housing and the dole along with free medical.
Full marks to the bum for his opener but 0 for his follow through.
September 5th, 2008 at 5:49 am
“If he wants to rob me, he would want me to be alone, if he wants to sex me, he would want me to be alone… As you can see which ever way you look at this, the answer has to be ‘no’. I said ‘yes’.”
You write like a young Wiz. Hot.
It’s a sign of the times in Australia when poor people aren’t willing to turn tricks for money, and a large part of the reason I no longer live there.
September 8th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
jonny youre a piece of shit. one day youre hubris will undo you.
p.s. congrats on the new forum site.