JETHRO HOROWITZ

Many of us watch cinematic characters that are prepared to fight to the death for what they believe in. But who amongst us has the courage to do the same in everyday life?

There is this turd-filled douchbag who I see around the gym. Every time I see him, he is melting with sweat. You know he’s in the gym if you can hear the distinct sound of squelching thighs. This pot of piss leaves behind dripping, stench-enriched, droplets of filth on every machine he touches. There is no towel in sight and he doesn’t even use the toweletts provided. He’s the kind of guy, people would kill for fun.

The first time I saw him commit his offense I was boiling, but I let it slide because I was new to the gym and, hell, I couldn’t even lift the bar. But now four weeks on and slowly adding weights, I am gradually earning my badge back. I’ll be sheriff before the year is out. But as any sheriff knows, before you can earn the prestigious title, you need to be an officer first. What I needed to do to get my stripes was not only bench a minimum of 40 kilos, I needed to take this fucker down.

It was a crystal clear night, the stars were out and the cold air tasted of violent anticipation. As I starred up at the sky, I wondered if my leaking bag of shit friend was going to be poisoning the gym with his turdy water tonight. I arrived at the gym and immediately went in search for him. I was not disappointed. I found him taking a bath on the bench press.

As I looked around waiting for someone to dish out a spicy serving of justice, I caught a glimpse of a tall, ruggedly handsome, masculine figure in the midst of the steamy stench. I thought this man, this man, will save us from the inhumanity. As the steam momentarily cleared, I realised I was starring directly into the mirror. It was me who needed to realign the earth and set things straight. I bit my lip and walked right up to my nemesis.

Jethro: Hey you!
Nemesis: Yea? What?
Jethro: Where’s your towel?
Nemesis: Huh?
Jethro: Your towel, you’re supposed to have a towel when you come to the gym. Look, you’re sweating all over the equipment here.
Nemesis: getting up in a threatening manner So what? What are you going to do about it?
Jethro: Have a nice night, and enjoy your workout.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 21st, 2008 at 4:37 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.