JETHRO HOROWITZ

I have not updated my blog recently because I have been doing nothing but tearing through my bankroll online. Both pokerstars and FTP have been working together to see to that I go broke before the year is out. If things continue, I will need to pass a hat around to collect for a ham sandwich and a pint of grapefruit juice.

To take some of the stress out of playing, I enrolled in a Masters of Commerce at the University of NSW. I have never felt more relaxed in my life. First week of classes involve meeting each other and sizing up the dumb ones so as to avoid them when group assignments roll by. In the past, during the frenzy that is group picking time, I have watched in horror as the smartest guys are snatched up and I am inevitably left with the dumbest fuck in class.

I recall one partnership where I was left with a girl who was missing half her face. For this particular assignment, we were asked to give a speech, and unfortunately for me, the half of her face which she was missing, happened to be most of her voice and pronunciation essentials. Her 20 minutes of mumbling was like a 42 hour plane ride with nothing but a picture of the elephant man to stare at.

I did strike it rich one time however, I once got a German girl who had all of her body (112 kilos to be exact) but she was dumber than a shithouse rat. I don’t know what she was doing at uni or even how she got there, but I did manage to find her. I remember looking around desperately for anther partner but she was definitely the absolute last choice. The weeks of preparation for this assignment were usually met over plates of kilbase sausage, loaves of bread smothered in Liverwurst and tree-trunk sized logs of cherry strudel. I was under strict orders not to discuss the assignment during her feeding, and by the time she finished eating, all she wanted to do was take off her pants and fall asleep under an apple tree.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 at 11:18 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.