JETHRO HOROWITZ

OMG is god playing a cruel joke on me.

After 3 attempts to access my commonwealth net bank account they froze it for security reasons. Are you kidding me? I could have sworn I got it right at least all three times.

No problems, I’ll access my ANZ account. Same fucking problem, they froze that as well. Arrghh!

If this is not frustrating enough, I’ll tell you a tale that will leave you shuddering in sweat. It all started when I received a $100 free coupon from an online casino/sports book. Bonzai! Things are finally looking up for me; I’d just walked into a cash bonus. I tried to stop my mind from racing through all the possibilities this money could bring me. As excited as I was, I knew that these cunning casinos only give you this money as bait to hook you into their site. There is always a catch…

I mistakenly thought that the only catch was that I needed to wager 100% of the money. So off I went $100 in hand exploring their wonderful site; browsing through the sports book and casino. I decided I wanted some excitement with my bet, so I chose a sport I knew nothing about and bet on a team I knew nothing about. I was looking to score $200 for the win.

I waited patiently throughout the week for my beloved game to be played. When it finally did, I won it! I was so happy I skipped all the way to the cashier to collect my money and buy some apple turnovers and a cheese pocket. I was informed at the cage that the only way I was going to see any of the money was if I cashed out $1500. OMG $1500, that’s a lot of pastries. So like any gambler with nothing to lose and everything to gain, I hit the casino.

I cranked up a baccarat table and squeezed natural 9’s 8’s, you name it. I was on fire. I spun the big wheel, rolled the bones and hit the blackjack. Viva Las Vegas baby, I hit $1,300. Only another $200 to go until I was in culinary heaven. I decided for my last $200 bet I was going to play the only casino game of pure skill: blackjack.

I placed my bet and said a prayer. I got two 6’s and the dealer got a 4. Ok, now any pro blackjack player will tell you the same, split’em baby split. So I split, I get another 6 and a 7. I can’t split again because of the ghey casino rules so I am sitting on 12 and 13 with $400 out there against the dealers 4. I stand on both hands and the dealer turns his 4 into 16 and then into 17. From that point on I lost every single bet and busted the account.

Now you tell me, was that just luck or skill on behalf of the casino? Mee thinks these casino tilt factories rig the promotional accounts to tear the soul from within your chest.

*Please note how cool my ‘archives’ design is now.*

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 6th, 2008 at 10:17 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.