JETHRO HOROWITZ

So completely tilted, took my $120 goose feathered pillow on the plane and left it there. Rang Qantas today for them to give it back and they told me to get stuffed. Spoke to the rudest asshole in the world who laughed at the thought of looking for it for me. God I hate Qantas so much right now. I bet you he is sleeping on it tonight. Sleeping and laughing, sleeping and laughing.

I’ve also managed to break my phone by putting it through the x-rays at Manila airport. If you don’t think it’s possible, explain why it worked before the x-rays and then not after!

These, unfortunately are not the only sad stories I will tell. I left Manila in tears, saying goodbye to my bed, my maid, my flat mate, Marcus and of course my girlfriend, Paula. I have returned to Sydney for Christmas and New Years. I will be in Melbourne in January and after that, it is anyone’s guess. I miss the freedom and pleasures of the Philippines but then again I realise the importance of stability in Australia. It will be hard.

Before I left for Australia, I had all the dramas of dealing with second-hand tight jockeys. I had one girl look at my 2k (USD) bed and offer $200 for it. I told her to get the hell out of my house. I had another one ride my ass down to the ground until I eventually buckled and let her penetrate me with her tight fist. I sold the bed and kept a pillow and my sheets. I gave just about everything else to my girlfriend and maid.

I thought it would be a teary farewell to my personal trainer at the gym, but when I gave him $50 for his Christmas present and he gave me nothing, it was the easiest parting in the world. This, by the way, is after he promised all week he bought me something wonderful.

I did, however, manage to sell my cabinet and mirror to my real-estate broker. This girl makes the hustling manager at Viva-Manila look like a beginner. I asked if she wanted to buy the items, she told me she might buy them a few hours before I leave. I told her that she had to promise. She tanked a response for a while and eventually gave in, but in exchange for the promise she asked for a 25% discount. After much screaming, I hustled the hustler and got what I wanted. Now, all I have to do is wait for her to deliver the money into my bank account like she assures me she will do.

Before I leave this entry and possibly the last for the year, I end on a note of intense controversy.

Death Proof

I have walked out of two movies in my life. Both of which I can not remember the names of. I was amazed to find Death Proof made my ‘walk out’ list when I saw it last week.

I can tell you the point of where I walked out on too.

Chick #1: “OMG, I can’t believe black chick carries a gun”
Black Chick: “Yea, you have to carry a gun from where I’m from”
Retarded Girl: “Do you have a license for it?”
Black Chick: “Yea I am part of the FBI”
Retarded Girl: “Really !?”
Long silence followed by an ungodly amount of laughing

The very next scene

Annoying New Zealand Girl: “I’ve gots to find me a white dodger”
Chick #1: “Why”
Annoying New Zealand Girl: flaying her hands in a gangster manner, “Cause I’m going to blow the doors of the mother fucker.” (at this point I am shuffling my feet for an exit; the deal breaker follows)
Retarded Girl: “So where abouts in Australia are you from?”
Annoying New Zealand Girl: Gives the dumbest most annoying look imaginable
Long silence
Chick number #1: “You never tell a New Zealander they are from Australia”
Retarded Girl: “Oh I am sorry, I didn’t know”
Long silence followed by an ungodly amount of laughing

Luckily for me, that was the last of it I heard.

1/10

The one scene which saved the movie from 0/10: Enjoy.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 22nd, 2007 at 1:08 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.