JETHRO HOROWITZ

I forgot to mention in my previous blog entry how much I hate selfish sick people. I was sitting next to a woman on the plane who had whooping cough. With each infection she cast in my direction, I would stare at her with eyes of fury and pray for her death. I clocked her coughs at 1/10 seconds. With each cough she made, she was facing me and in not one instance did she ever cover her fat cow mouth. I was too shy to say anything and I would feel too guilty killing her in front of a plane full of passengers. I did nothing but take it up the mouth.

I have a few movie reviews this week for all my loyal movie fans.

Little Man:

I

I’m really not into these kind of bullshit movies, but this one was a bloody pearler. The facial expressions of the baby are gold and the script is excellent.

Not even going to try to spoil this one, it’s something you got to see from scratch.

8/10.

30 days of night:

A clear favourite for worst movie of the year; up for nomination for worst movie of the decade.

With a script that will have you wondering why your dog hasn’t considered screenwriting, it will leave you feeling dumber than you’ve ever felt before. I know exactly how the movie came into creation.

First of all, writers Steve Niles and Stuart Beattie finished a ravishing night together in the sack and then retired to the lounge to smoke plastic and roast marshmallows. High on life, they took turns bashing each others head into the fireplace and burning their balls with Zippo lighters. They both looked at each other and almost simultaneously reached for the DVD closet and pulled out two movies. “The Diary of Anne Frank and “The Vampire”. They put the two movies in a vice, and failing to squeeze them together to form ‘30 Days Of Night’, they were forced to put pencil to paper and write.

The film has all the classic lines.

Butch Hero: “there’s a taser in the back, if he gives you any trouble…”
(dramatic pause and violins playing)
Butch Hero: “use it”

They’re riding in the car and Butch Hero thinks he sees something

Butch Hero: “stop the truck”
Helpless Chick: “What?”
Butch Hero: “stop the fucking truck.

Helpless Chick sees what Butch Hero thought he saw.

Helpless Chick: “Get in the truck”
Butch hero: “what?”
Helpless Chick: “get in the fucking truck”

Dumb Hick #1:You shoot em and they just keep coming
Dumb Hick #2:How is that possible?
Dumb Hick #:1 I dunno!

The town, which is reduced to a handful of people after an hour into the film, is forced to hide in ol’ Jimmy’s attic. There are many suspenseful moments where the vampires come in and can smell the humans but can’t see them, so they have to move on. To my surprise, for suspense, the writers included an old man in the attic who made a bunch of noise alerting the vampires to their position. The film has everything and is a must if you’re into really really shit films.

Editors note* Steve and Stuart, if you’re reading this, Fuck you for ruining my life.

Minus 10/10.

Something which I needed to watch to cheer me up and realise there was some talent in the world was ‘Tu Mira’. If I can, I will adopt the lead singer kid in this song or beat my own future son until he sings this well. Enjoy.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 8th, 2007 at 7:49 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.