JETHRO HOROWITZ

Tonight my girlfriend dragged me to see the Bourne Ultimatum. I usually hate spy films and the Bourne series is no exception. I begged, screamed and kicked in resistance but my efforts were futile. Matt’s chiseled jaw and wash board abs were just too alluring for Paula to resist.

There is so much to hate about this film I really don’t know where to start. For starters, the script is painfully cliché and boring. I have no doubt that I could write a better script while asleep on the toilet. I quote:

Secretary interrupts meeting
Secretary: Sir, I have Detective Jones on the phone.
Detective Brax: God, damn it! Tell him I’m busy.
Secretary: Sir, he says it’s urgent
Camera zooms in on Detective Brax’s look of concern.

Detective Woods: God damn it! Bourne infiltrated our terrorist agency and stole the top secret documents. Set up a 4 block perimeter!

My favourite quote was between Matt and the rat cop:

Matt: I’m going into this highly secure government building to kill the guy that turned me into the dick that I am.
Rat Cop: It’s too dangerous
Matt: No, I have to do it. This is where it began, and this is where it ends.
Rat Cop: I’m going to come with you
Matt: No, it’s too dangerous
Rat Cop: I can help
Matt: Ok, stay close to me
Next scene, matt’s gotten past all the security and is standing next to the guy he wanted to kill.

In possible the most anti-climatic scene ever, Matt doesn’t even kill the guy and furthermore, the cop that ends up catching Matt lets him go.

The action scenes were OMG ROFLABLE boring and at the end of the film I felt like cement had been injected directly into my brain. One of the worst films ever.

0-10

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 30th, 2007 at 4:36 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.